My Husband Is "In a Meeting" Every Day From 2 to 4 PM — The Meeting Is With a Pine Tree Named Dave

Phyllis, take a breath. You are not losing your grip on reality. Terrence is.

What you are describing is a textbook case of Post-Retirement Phantom Productivity Syndrome (PRPPS), in which a formerly employed individual manufactures professional obligations in order to preserve a sense of purpose and structure. Dave is almost certainly functioning as a stand-in client, and the one dress shoe is a well-observed coping mechanism that experts refer to as "half-committing." It is more common than you think. I personally have three such cases on my roster right now, and one of them has promoted the tree to Senior Vice President.

My recommendations: First, do not knock. You would not interrupt a board meeting; please extend the same courtesy to Dave. Second, consider submitting an official meeting request — a handwritten calendar invite slipped under the back door has shown strong results in similar cases. Third, if you need to reach Terrence urgently, the words "Q3 review" have been shown to cut through even the deepest arboreal focus.

You ask whether your marriage is now a three-party situation. Legally, no. Emotionally? Phyllis, I think you already know. Dave was always in this marriage. You just didn't have his name until now.